Isn't it great being young? Knowing that you don't have to worry about things like ulcers, major dental work and cancer until you're older? Oh wait, I've already had all those…right. I really don't see myself as someone who always has health problems but I fear that's what I'm fast becoming. I normally think of myself as a healthy person who isn't "out sick" a lot. But apparently I have the composition of a 60 year old who's been drinking, smoking and generally being unhealthy for 40 years. I like to look at it this way, sooner or later everyone has to deal with these health issues, so I'm just meeting my quota now so my 50's will be free and clear for my mid-life crisis.
Am I doing something horribly wrong? Maybe I should have been eating more broccoli all along? Is it that I'm unhealthy or unlucky?
As if I needed something else to deal with, Monday my teeth started hurting, at first I tried to ignore it but by Tuesday morning it had blossomed into a crippling, screaming, crying, I-need-to-go-to-the-emergency-room pain. I didn't go to the emergency room but I did go to the dentist. Of course by the time I got there the pain had gone. He took x-rays and saw that my teeth were perfect--no rotting or decay was causing the pain.
My dentist was clearly baffled and sent me home with anti-biotics and anti-inflammatory and told me to come back in 8 days. I was pretty much fine for the rest of the day, of course I took every painkiller I had in my house (which are some good ones considering recent car accidents and surgeries). I had a couple painful bouts with it today but they didn't last long. They came on quick and strong, but then everything felt fine. So it's still a mystery I guess. This morning's episode happened right after I brushed my teeth and this afternoon's right in the middle of eating lunch. Come to think of it, I think yesterday's really bad bout came after eating some cereal. I always knew the Cap'n was out to get me….
So Monday I went to see the oncologist. I was in the office for over an hour (it was a half hour before they even checked to make sure I was still alive). He came in and we talked for all of 3 minutes---seriously. Half of me wanted to say "That sounds good but I need to think it over, I'll be right back". He said the cancer had spread a little in my neck but it was nothing to worry about--the radioactive iodine would soak it right up.
The next day I went to the surgeon so he could tell me the same thing except in an even shorter amount of time. I'm pretty sure now that these doctors compete with each other, trying to set the record for shortest time in an office with a patient. They're like bolts of lightning. If you blink you will miss them, so be very careful to keep your eyes wide open while waiting in the doctors office.
So, follicular cancer lady will be making an encore performance in the operating room on August 2nd. After that I'll have the metabolism of a hibernating bear, so stop by and we'll take a nap!
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK AGAIN: AUGUST 2--Stay Tuned for Details!!!